the role of your stimuli…

Change Behavior

Changing behavior is usually most difficult.

The two key factors that you need are Stimuli to change, and then Support.

This blog article will deal with the necessary Stimuli that will lead you to successfully changing your behavior.

Two examples of desired changes that we seem to have the greatest difficulties in lie in the area of weight loss and attitude.

The first question to answer is this: ‘Why do you want to lose weight or have a different attitude?’ You MUST be able to answer this specifically and at some length and with some passion to ensure your chances of success.

The Passion Success List of Wants…

Here are some reasons WHY, that will provoke your thinking to develop your own special Stimuli that will also engage your passions:

• I want to be healthier
• I want to live longer
• I want to be alive when my grandchildren become adults
• I want a better sex life
• I want to be more attractive to others
• I want more energy
• I want to be more productive
• I want to fit into my clothes that I love that are sitting in my cupboard
• I want to save money by not wasting it on junk food
• I want to get rid of my headaches
• I want to attract my soul mate into a life long relationship
• I want to increase my self-confidence and self-esteem
• I want to achieve something great that is difficult
• I want to save money on medical bills
• I want to avoid diabetes and heart attacks
• I want to be head hunted for a great new job because I have the right attitude
• I want to avoid being sick
• I want to avoid spending any time in hospitals
• I want to have more energy to play with my children
• I want to have more energy to keep learning and developing
• I want to be a great team player
• I want a great reputation in my industry for being an excellent contributor and a quality person.

Successful people are clear and specific on the reasons, on what they will gain through the change of behavior and what problems they will solve or avoid by doing so.

Achieving Success in Your Lifetime…

Now, write down your own set of reasons to change, and the longer the list, the better!

I will explore the need for, and the different types of, support in the next blog article.

My various blog articles on the Mind to Mind website will be helpful in provoking some ideas in designing your stimuli.

Charles B Kovess

Your passion, and the need for drugs to handle depression

My definition of passion is that it is ‘a source of unlimited energy from your soul, or your spirit, or your heart that enables you to produce extraordinary results’.

Far too many people, research shows, are not pursuing their passion or doing what they love, or are not enthusiastic about their work. I love the etymology of ‘enthusiasm’: it comes from two Greek words, ‘en’ and ‘theos’, meaning ‘inside God’. When you are enthusiastic, you are similar to the mindset of God!

Published information from Governments around the world show that vast numbers of people are taking anti-depressant drugs, at huge cost to themselves, to their families, and to Governments that fund these drugs or fund health systems that have to deal with people suffering from depression- like symptoms.

Note that I did not say ‘depressed people’: this is a label that is thrown around far too often. There is a range of over 20 symptoms that lead one to conclude that depression is being experienced by a person, but it is a continuum along a combination of symptoms.

It is not black or white, depressed or not depressed!

Pursue Passion

I passionately believe that if more people were pursuing their passion in their work, and in their lives, the need for anti-depressant drugs would drop dramatically!

I believe that depression-like symptoms arise because human beings find their spirits being ‘depressed’, or ‘squashed’. They are not in touch with their spirit because they are ignoring their passions! They are ignoring what they love to do. They are ignoring the yearning of their spirits, their souls. This is a depressing thought in itself!

Anti-Depressants and Brain Chemistry

Through the passage of time, some people might presently need anti-depressants because their brain chemistry has been so damaged by depressive thoughts over the years that they cannot function without the drugs. I acknowledge this need, but it does not apply to most drug takers. Even for such people, weaning one’s self off the drugs simply takes longer than most.

Matt Ridley, in his wonderful book Genome, points out that our non-physical thoughts cause our genes to produce physical chemicals in our bodies. Depressive thoughts produce depressive chemicals.

If you are taking anti-depressant drugs, or you have family or friends who take them, then make the decision to discover and then pursue your passions. Your life is too precious and valuable to spend it doing anything that generates depression-like symptoms.

Find Your Passion… Find Your Way

My various articles on the Mind to Mind website will be a great start for you on this journey.

Mind to Mind and ZOX Pro Training are both processes that help you develop the mental toughness and resilience to improve your ability to be ever more disciplined in your behaviors.

Charles B Kovess

Take Responsibility

There is nothing quite so empowering as taking responsibility.

There is also little doubt that most people do not like doing this!

As a lawyer for 20 years, I experienced many people running to their lawyers, asking for help, playing the role of victim, by blaming others for their problems. These people had entered into transactions and legal relationships and did not want to accept responsibility.

8 Key Strategies to Avoid Responsibility

Blame is one of the 8 key strategies that people use rather than to take responsibility.

The other 7 strategies are:

• Make excuses
• Justification
• Apathy
• Pass the Buck
• Avoidance
• Denial
• Complain and do nothing.

These 8 strategies are used by victims and/or martyrs. They are very seductive. They are easy to do, and if you are a victim, it is likely that you will get sympathy, attention, and perhaps even compensation. Just contemplate what happens to those people who are featured in television current affairs programs!

Yet, it is ultimately depressing playing the role of victim. There is nothing inspirational about doing so.

The Blame Game

In fact, if you play the ‘blame game’, my shorthand description of any of the 8 strategies mentioned above, you are highly unlikely to learn what you need to learn from your experiences. There will be little growth in your life. I have found that if I totally accept responsibility for whatever I experience at any point in my life, I learn very quickly the lessons that are contained in such experiences. The faster I learn my lessons, the better I get

We need to be aware of why there is such a tendency to play the blame game.

Leaders Often Set a BAD Example

Our political leaders set a lousy example for us, followed closely by business leaders. When politics or business go bad, most leaders busily run around avoiding any possible hint that they may have had any part in any failures or mistakes or misadventures. Further, they then look for the scapegoats, and boast to the media that ‘heads will roll’.

Do not be drawn into such behavior. It will destroy you.

Do the Right Thing for You

Mind to Mind and ZOX Pro Training are both processes that help you develop the mental toughness and resilience to improve your ability to do this.

When you take responsibility and blame nobody for what happens to you, you are in control of your life. You have a chance of living an inspiring life. It is an energizing way to live life.

I commend it to you.

Charles B Kovess

Here you are again at the end of another year, and guess what? It always ends up the same way for you. Once the event is over, you are depressed. The air has been left out of your balloon; you are down in the dumps… Viva passé.

The lead-up to your event you have planned so much for, given so much energy towards, and looked forward to for so long has finally arrived… and is over. All the preparation, the anxiety that everything will turn out right, that everyone will “get along”. Ha! All the energy you have poured into creating the perfect event has left you flat in the aftermath.

Depressed

So, now you are depressed. Are you just going to stay depressed? Or are you going to do something about it?

Initiative

One of the easiest ways to pull yourself out of the doldrums is to give yourself a task that you can really sink your teeth into. When was the last time you did anything different, or new?

Paradigms

Look at your life; the routine of the things you do each day, the types of people you are around, the beliefs and opinions you support. All of those limit you in what is referred to your “paradigm”. Your paradigm is your version of reality; your “matrix”. Most people do not do anything different from day to day.

Carpe Diem!

Seize the day!

Time is of the essence. Time is too short to stay depressed. Do something different. Don’t hesitate. Experience something new. Learn something you never knew before. Meet some new people. Start right now. Make a list of 10 things you would like to do, that you would not normally do. Pick 1 or 2 of them and get started.

Results of your actions

It will make you feel great! Once you start accomplishing your new directions, you will get a good feeling; a feeling of self-worth and self-esteem. A feeling of “I am Alive!” You will feel better about yourself and the world you live in. Be prepared to leave your depression behind.

Great Things Happen Here!

Ask yourself …

Where are you going?

Why do you do what you do?

How do you decide what to do and what not to do?

Are your choices in alignment with your passion?

It seems that few people are able to answer these questions. But, if you can answer the questions confidently and optimistically, your chances of success rise significantly.

The best way to answer the questions is to have a vision for your life; a vision that excites you and generates energy for you, leading to increased productivity and personal effectiveness.

A vision for your life is a SEEING concept: what is the ideal life, in 5, 10 and 20 years’ time that you can visualize for yourself?

Some examples of a personal Vision that I have suggested to my coaching clients and to attendees in my passion workshops are:

∞ My vision is that I am a well-regarded and competent business leader who is making a difference on the planet

∞ My vision is that I have made a significant contribution globally to eradicating world poverty

∞ My vision is that I have 5,000 internet clients who pay me monthly sums that enable me to handle all my financial requirements with ease and comfort

∞ My vision is that I am a Minister of the Government and have an impeccable reputation

∞ My vision is that I am married to a person who loves me deeply and who supports me in pursuing my passions

∞ My vision is that I am CEO of a top 200 listed company that I earned through my excellence in my profession.

Such a vision also needs to be in alignment with your current passions, as you have discovered them to be through following my blog articles or in any other ways.

Mind to Mind can provide resources for you to continually develop your mental skills to effectively craft such a vision.

When your vision is clear, then:

• You know where you are going
• You know why you do what you do
• You are clear on the factors that you take into account when making decisions.

It’s a great way to live.

I commend it to you.

Charles B Kovess

Passionate individuals Achieve.

Passionate individuals Perform.

Passionate individuals Inspire.

Imagine tapping into your extraordinary talent and energy each working day. Picture the growth, the rewards and the results.

Sadly, not many people are passionate about their work. Yet, if business is to thrive in the 21st century, leaders must create an “extra-ordinary” level of commitment from their people. A commitment based not only on the mental – but one that also involves the emotional – passion.

Whilst Mind to Mind helps you to harness your extraordinary mental capabilities, we need the energy source of passion to capitalize on these capabilities.

In the late 20th century, information became the new business nightmare. Managers were surrounded, inundated – and often drowned – in information, much of it useless. So much so that electronic overload threatened. This is another reason why ZOX Pro Training is so relevant and important.

The “Knowledge Age” is passing as we rapidly head into what I refer to as the “Passion Age”. This new era will see the mastering of the difficult part of business – people issues. Physical resources are the easy part. That is why so few organizations successfully access the knowledge and wisdom and passion of their people: it’s just too hard.

Passionate performers make no distinction between labor and leisure, education and recreation. They simply pursue their vision with a commitment and energy sustained by their passion.

Effective leaders and performers understand the principles of motivation, that’s a given, but motivation and passion are not quite the same. One is a reactive process, the other a proactive one. Managers, coaches or corporate mentors all motivate, certainly, but this is achieved externally. One can encourage a person to be motivated, one can even teach them how to be motivated, but passion comes from the soul.

The Pain-Pleasure Equation

Leaders who want to access the passion and knowledge of their people must first understand the major drivers of human behavior, the pain-pleasure equation. It’s simple to define: how much pain is an individual willing to accept for a future pleasure?

Consider sportspeople and musicians: they are willing to undertake years of what is at times painful training because of the promise of pleasure that inspires them. Now translate that level of passion to your own life and to your organization:

1. What benefit will employees derive from contributing their passion and knowledge to the business?

2. What pain or disadvantage will employees reduce in their own lives by doing so?

3. What is the present pain that blocks employees from contributing their passion and their knowledge?

4. Can employees clearly see the pleasure they will gain from contributing the passion and knowledge and facing, or experiencing, the pain of doing so?

5. Is the pain of contributing passion and knowledge greater than the pain of being “safe” in a low performance environment?

The successful builders and leaders of tomorrow’s world-class businesses and lives will be those with a strong empathy-based style, who create a passionate, results-driven, working environment.

Charles B Kovess

It seems to me that there are few things more important than relationships with lovers, family and friends.

Living your life with passion has a huge impact on your relationships.

Here are 7 key strategies to provoke your thinking on how and why this linkage between passion and relationships is so strong.

1. The willingness to be true to yourself.

Stop trying to appeal to everybody: you won’t! Yet, to whom will you appeal? This is almost impossible to answer, particularly since every person experiences life uniquely, through the filters of their subconscious minds. And it is our subconscious minds that enable us, indeed drive us, to create our beliefs and behaviors.

Therefore, the most effective strategy is to be true to your own beliefs and values, and to be true to how you wish to live your life; those with whom you come into contact can then make their own choices on whether they are attracted to you or not. You become ‘authentic’.

2. Doing the work to discover and pursue your passion.

I have been researching and speaking on the topic of passion for over 18 years, and have pursued my passions for over 50 years. What is ‘passion’? It is a source of unlimited energy from your soul, or spirit, or heart that enables you to produce extraordinary results.

When you are passionate, you immediately raise your personal energy and become far more attractive to other human beings. As the law of gravity states: the inter-attractiveness of a body to another is determined by its mass, and your passion increases your metaphysical mass. You will stand out from the crowd, and others will notice you more readily.

3. The willingness to simplify your life.

There is too much ‘stuff’’ in our lives that does not fulfill us, nurture us, or give us lasting joy.

When you discover your passion, you are more able to decide what is important to you. You can discard unnecessary complexities that you are hoarding, or pursuing, ‘just in case’ they might make you happy. Simplifying your life creates time for you to devote to your relationships that have been created because you are being true to you.

4. The willingness to be vulnerable.

I learned a long time ago that when vulnerability meets vulnerability, it creates intimacy. Intimacy is the hallmark of great relationships.

When you are vulnerable, open, honest, courageous, and true to yourself, other people are more likely to feel your essence and respond similarly Then intimacy can be created, and you need to spend less time proving your commitment to the relationships: others become less demanding because the feeling of intimacy is a powerful glue that holds the relationships.

5. Allow others to be true to themselves.

Release your need for others to behave in ways that suit you. If you are going to be true to yourself, then allow others to do the same. That way, you can more quickly decide whether you are truly attracted to another person, or whether it’s their ‘act’ that has drawn you in. Real and valuable relationships can form more quickly.

6. Adopt the concept of ‘Parallel Thinking’.

Edward de Bono’s book ‘Parallel Thinking’ beautifully explores our 3000-year tradition of Western philosophical thought that proposes there is ‘truth’ to be discovered in any issue. De Bono however says there are often times when competing ideas or thoughts can run ‘in parallel’ because there is no truth: for example, in designing a new car or a new building.

By allowing parallel thoughts to run in your relationships, you become much more flexible, leading to less conflict about what is right, wrong, true or untrue, and you become much more lovable and fun to be with.

7. The willingness to learn the principles of time management.

I have worked with many time poor executives over the past 18 years, in both corporate groups and as their executive coach. I am appalled by the quality of time management skills of most of them!

Develop your ability to protect your time and invest it in matters that are of importance to you, particularly the building of great relationships. There are many sources available to learn these skills. If you invest your time in developing these skills, you will enjoy a remarkable reduction in stress and a remarkable increase in your experience of the many joys of life.

Charles B Kovess LL.B. (Hons), LL.M., MAICD, MAITD

Australasia’s Passion Provocateur©

Certified Speaking Professional – Kovess.com

Ask Yourself,…

1. Are you passionate about your health?

2. What is your health worth?

3. How would you know if you are healthy?

Based on over 45 years’ of exploring and implementing alternative health regimes, I have developed my own definition of health, and I commend it to you. Hardly anybody I have met has a clear definition in their mind! My definition is this:

‘Health’ is the unique optimal balance for each person of mental, physical, and spiritual elements.

Most people consider themselves healthy if they are not sick or specifically unwell in a particular aspect. However, this is a limited and limiting view of our existence. Imagine a health spectrum of 1 to 100, where 1 is almost dead, and 100 is perfect health. Not being unwell is just 51 on this scale. A minor ailment would put you as unhealthy, but probably at 49.

You would be unlikely to say you are ‘healthy’ if you have ailments.

Now, on this spectrum, or scale, where would you rate yourself and your health? Tell the truth: don’t fool yourself.

I repeat my question at the start of this blog: are you passionate about your health?

If your health is over 90 on my scale, then these are the rewards you will reap:

∞ You are highly energetic
∞ When you are highly energetic, you can add enormous value
∞ The universe rewards you based on the value you add, so you will receive enormous benefits
∞ The benefits will be mental (money, recognition, status, achievement), physical (things you can buy with money, experiences, feeling great) and spiritual (fun, contribution, friendship, passion)
∞ You will spend very little on medical bills and you won’t worry about medical insurance at the highest level
∞ You will not lose time in hospital having operations or treatments
∞ Your relationships will be improved because it is difficult to be loving and caring when you are unwell
∞ You will have an outstanding sex life
∞ You will have more fun: being sick is not fun!
∞ You can live your life continuously on purpose and with meaning, without constant and frequent interruptions because you are unwell.

I suggest to you that the rewards for you in dollar terms of this list of items is many millions of dollars.

When you see this, you will learn not to ignore your health, or to accept a health assessment of less than 80 on my scale.

Don’t be silly: learn to value your health. Generate a deep passion for your health. Be happy to pay the price of caring for your health. It is a ridiculously small price to pay!

Charles Kovess

Kovess International

“Harnessing Passion for World-Class Results!”

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

- Nelson Mandela

Great Things Happen Here!

10 MORE STEPS …

Passion is an amazing resource, that every person can access. But you do need to do more than ‘wishing and hoping’ to discover your passion.

These 10 steps are in addition to my earlier article “7 Key Steps to discover your Passion”.

Please read that article as it will be helpful to you if you have not already done so.

These 10 practical, proven and powerful steps will assist you on your journey of discovery. The more time you spend contemplating the ideas, writing down your insights, and exploring the ideas with your trusted friends, the greater will be your success!

“And the greatest success you can have”, suggested Socrates, “is to say that you examined your life and that your awareness about yourself has increased.”

The 10 Steps …

1. What are the biggest mistakes you have made in your life and what did you learn from them?

2. What are the biggest risks you have taken in your life and why did you take them? You will need to explore your thoughts and feelings as they were at that time.

3. Who do you admire and why do you admire them?

4. If you had $20 million in the bank, what would you do with the rest of your life? Sitting about and golfing and sailing will be interesting for about 6 months – then you have to do something or you will die. Three of my friends who were all multi-millionaires at 40, retired, and then returned to the game of life and business before they were 41, risking much of what they had created up to that point in their lives. Humans are not meant to be sitting around, doing nothing.

5. From the answers so far, what have you discovered that you are good at?

6. Read books on personal development for at least one hour per day, every day! For a lengthy list of excellent choices see my book, ‘Passionate People Produce’ (Hay House).

7 Listen to audio CD’s on personal development topics on your iPod or in your car when you are traveling.

8. Take responsibility for your life: don’t play the victim / martyr game by blaming anyone for where you are now at in your life’s journey. It is so easy and seductive to play victim/martyr! You will receive sympathy, attention, and, sometimes, even financial compensation. If you want specific examples of what I mean, look at many of the subjects on television current affairs programs. Yet, playing victim is ultimately depressing, it ‘depresses’ your spirit, and you are highly unlikely to learn anything, leading to repeat the unpleasant experiences again until you learn what you need to learn.

9. Understand that you become what you think about: your thoughts create you and have created you so far. Therefore, please write out your vision of what you wish to become in 50 words or less, and then every day work to control your thinking so you focus on what you wish to be, not on the negative experiences and problems that might be filling your life. Your actions and behaviors are driven by your thoughts. What do you think about most of the time?

10. If your thoughts are too negative, or depressing, or sad, or uninspiring, and you can’t change them, get professional assistance. The best sporting stars in the world almost always have coaches, so you can get a mental coach!

I promise you that if you do the above work, the results will be remarkable.

You will discover a new you.

Charles Kovess

Kovess International

9 November 2011

“Harnessing Passion for World-Class Results!”